My husband, Steve!

My husband, Steve.

I met Steve several years before we started dating. He was handsome, and I was interested, but Steve had been separated from his wife and was going back to try again. I wasn’t ready for Steve anyway. I was new in sobriety, my self-esteem was in the dirt, and he was a nice guy—something I didn’t believe I deserved. He spent a few more years working on his marriage, and I spent that time working on my relationships with God, other women, and myself. When we met again, It was because he brought his cute twin grandsons to a gathering we were attending. They are super cuties and were giggling about something, and I was curious. I asked, they explained, we all giggled, and their Papa walked up. He was still handsome. I wasn’t necessarily interested though. I had time to learn to love myself, and being cute wasn’t my only criteria anymore. Far from it. I now had a list of things that were absolute requirements from potential dating partners. Nothing outrageous. I wanted someone who would treat me with respect and showed his goodness; someone with self-respect. I also insisted that he have belief and faith in a Higher Power of his understanding. I had no idea what any of that looked like. (My ex-husband is a good guy, and we were so young, and I was still so codependent and had such a low self-image, that I couldn’t recognize goodness from either of us.) So the criteria were set, it was up to God to deliver if He saw fit. I was finally okay being without a man.

Steve had done some growing of his own. He came to understand that the marriage was not going to work out. They’d been married for many years, but only live together for a quarter of those years. The kids were gone; it was time to let go.

One of the first dates we went on was right around Father’s Day. One of his daughters-in-law sent him a text, and he teared up while reading it silently. I asked him if he was okay, and he read the text to me with more tears and all choked up. She was thanking him for being such a great Dad to her husband and to her. He was crying because he was able to be that Dad to his kids and her. They were tears of gratitude. I was in a bit of shock. I didn’t understand it yet, but I knew I liked that he could cry. And in front of me?!?! That was just so very different and beautiful. I knew I wanted to know more about him. Several months later, when my daughters told me they liked Steve for me, I knew he was really THAT GOOD. My daughters NEVER liked anyone I had dated. And they didn’t like my behavior while dating any of them. It was exciting and fun to date someone I actually liked!! And I didn’t need him to be around 24/7 to feel okay about us. It was amazing. I was actually having a grown-up relationship!!  Steve is perfect for me! He loves to be silly. He doesn’t take himself too seriously… mostly. He’s affectionate. He shows me he loves me. He puts up with my moody nonsense. He adores me. He spoils me! We are growing and learning through life as it comes. I really love and appreciate having him as my life partner. He’s taught me a lot about being in the moment, feelings aren’t facts, and don’t believe everything you think. We tease each other a bit and help one another laugh at ourselves. He has been here for every second of the cancer trauma. It was really hard for him—afraid for me and for himself— and he stayed with me. And he helped me to know that God has a beautiful plan. Oh! And he is still very handsome!!

We’ve been together for over four years, and it keeps getting better. I love how we love one another. It is still amazing!