follow up on fear being a part of life

Fear being a part of life does not mean that I have to allow fear to control my every move. For a long time, I did not know that fear was doing the driving, steering me where it wanted to go—into more fear. I have, through lots of writing and talking with trusted others who have been ‘dealing’ with fear, learned that I do not need to allow fear to run the show. I had a friend tell me to watch my thoughts as if they are going by on a digital screen. Pay attention to the fearful thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge them—I mean, they are there, and ignoring them just makes them fester and pester even more. It’s like fear is the adolescent inside me, but I am still the adult who wants and needs to make responsible adult decisions. I do not need to allow the 14 year old girl, who had been making my life decisions for 25 years too long, to make my choices anymore. I acknowledge her need to speak, I listen to what she has to say, and then I make a choice. IT TAKES A LOT OF PRACTICE TO CHANGE THAT HABIT/BEHAVIOR!! And it is entirely possible. In fact, I found that the first time was the hardest, and it has become easier since. Really, my choices changed, meaning the outcomes of those choices changed. For the better. Mostly. I still get into to fear without realizing that I am in that space, and I make decisions from that space sometimes. I think… no, I believe that that is a part of the human experience. Truly, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has fear. If I can acknowledge the mistake/fear and grow from the experience, then I think I am doing okay. I have had some experiences where I believe I learned part of the lesson being presented, but I was not ready for the entire lesson. More mistakes had/have to be made, and more fear had to be felt for it to be learned entirely. I find it interesting how my relationship with fear affects the outcome of my learning. If I am in fear of making mistakes or the outcome of a certain situation, and I can’t seem to slow down and breath in God, out Shannon, then the fear seems to multiply exponentially and I spiral down into that fear. Then I get desperate. Desperation can be good! If I am desperate enough to surrender to the process and to God, then the clarity comes. Fear settles down and stops beating me about the face and neck, and then intuition usually pays me a sweet, quiet visit. I can’t say that I love the process because my relationship with discomfort is still scary… it feels like it will never end and I will never find the solution again. I do respect the process though. It is a consistent process. It appears differently sometimes based on the situation, or really, the shit I make up in my head about the situation, and it is the same process each time. And each time I grow a little more. I know more about myself and I am more connected to my spirit and God. That’s just beautiful.